In my previous post, I shared the experience of exhuming my grandfather’s remains before they were sent for cremation. After the contractors carefully cleaned the bones, they were taken to the crematorium for the next stage of the journey. But what happens after cremation?
What I am sharing here is based solely on the experiences of my uncle and a close friend. These are Chinese funeral customs that some families continue to practise after cremation. They are shared here purely for reference, as traditions vary greatly between countries, cultures, and religions. Not every Chinese family follows the same rituals, and practices may differ depending on dialect group, beliefs, and personal preferences.
During the cremation, my grandfather’s remains were placed inside the cremation chamber and subjected to extremely high temperatures. Over time, the intense heat reduced the remains to small bone fragments. Once the fragments had cooled, they were presented to the family.
The length of the cremation process depends on the condition and amount of remains. In some cases, it may take about an hour, while others can take up to two hours. Bodies cremated in a coffin or casket usually require a longer time to burn and cool. If you have an early cremation appointment, it is often possible to collect the remains on the same day.
My grandfather’s bone fragments were wrapped in a red cloth provided by the columbarium. In Singapore, families can choose between government-managed or private columbariums. His children and grandchildren then brought him to the temple for the next ritual.
At the temple, the monk instructed the children and grandchildren to pick up the bone fragments using a pair of long wooden chopsticks and place them into a white urn. On the table were the fragments, the urn, and the chopsticks. It was a quiet and emotional moment, as each family member took turns participating in this final act of care and respect.
Once everyone had placed some fragments into the urn, the monk carefully added the remaining fragments together with the red cloth. The urn was then sealed and later placed in its allocated niche at Seu Teck Sean Tong in Toa Payoh. From then on, his descendants could continue visiting him, remembering him, and offering prayers during festivals such as Tomb Sweeping Day. Families would often bring offerings believed to provide comfort and blessings in the afterlife.
My aunt chose a very different arrangement. She requested for her ashes to be scattered at sea instead of being stored in a columbarium niche. She passed away during the COVID period, so the funeral parlour handled all the arrangements on behalf of the family. Before the pandemic, many funeral parlours also assisted families with hiring boats and guiding them through the ash-scattering ceremony.
In Singapore, there is also the option of inland ash scattering at the Garden of Peace. Many people imagine cremated remains as fine grey powder, largely because of how ashes are portrayed in movies. In reality, cremated remains are often made up of bone fragments unless the family specifically requests additional processing to grind them into finer ashes.
My friend’s experience was slightly different. Her father was cremated at a government-managed crematorium, and his urn was later stored at the same location, which offered freehold niches. The family was brought into a private room where his fragments were displayed inside a large plastic tub. The tub appeared yellowed from repeated use over the years.
According to her colleague, some funeral parlours arrange the fragments into the shape of a human body before the family begins placing them into the urn. The fragments are traditionally placed in order, starting from the feet and ending with the skull, symbolising that the deceased will rest upright in the urn.
The funeral parlour contractor also explained the significance of different bone fragments and their colouring. Some believe that certain colours represent the good or bad deeds a person performed during their lifetime.
In Buddhism, relics are sometimes discovered among the cremated remains of highly respected spiritual masters. These relics often appear as pearl-like or crystal-shaped beads and are regarded as sacred. Visitors to Singapore may wish to visit the Buddha Tooth Relic Temple in Chinatown, where Buddhist relics are displayed.
My friend shared that her father had several pinkish bone fragments, which some people believe symbolise kindness and good deeds during life. After the family placed his fragments into the urn, the funeral parlour staff arranged the remaining pieces neatly inside.
The children also placed coins into the urn, though they avoided using the Singaporean one-dollar coin because of its octagonal shape, which some consider inauspicious. Some families also place imitation jade inside the urn to symbolise wealth and prosperity for future generations.
Typically, the urn is first covered with a yellow charm cloth before being wrapped in a red cloth. The family would then leave the room and proceed towards the allocated niche. Traditionally, male descendants carry the urn while holding burning joss sticks, and the urn is sheltered beneath an oil-paper umbrella (油紙傘). The umbrella is usually provided by the funeral parlour and should never be brought home afterwards because of traditional taboos surrounding death rituals.
The urn is then placed into the niche. In my friend’s case, the family purchased a two-in-one niche, intended for her mother in the future, even though she is still alive today. In some niche photos, you may notice an additional empty urn space prepared beside the existing one.
Finally, the niche plaque is installed to seal the compartment. When her mother eventually passes on, the plaque will be replaced with an updated version containing both names.
Every culture and religion has its own way of honouring the deceased, and I find it deeply meaningful to learn about these traditions. Before experiencing this myself, I knew very little about the rituals surrounding cremation and bone picking. I hope this post helps others who may also be unfamiliar with these customs and offers some insight into this final journey of remembrance and respect.
If you have experienced similar traditions or would like to share your own customs, feel free to leave a comment below.