The wedding tea ceremony is one of the most important events in a Chinese wedding. My mum insisted that we include one because we didn’t get married in a traditional Singaporean Chinese way. Mr C and I got married in Bath, and it was a small wedding with only close family and friends.
When I told some of our friends that we would be having a tea ceremony after the registration, no one really understood what that meant. As a result of the confusion, two of our friends went home after the registration and missed the wedding dinner. It can sometimes be difficult to explain why we have a Chinese tea ceremony on the wedding day, which is why I decided to write this post.
Why do we have a tea ceremony?
The tea ceremony is a way to formally introduce the newlywed couple and show respect to their families. There are slight variations depending on the groom’s dialect group, such as Teochew or Cantonese.
When do we have a tea ceremony?
Nowadays, tea ceremonies often combine both the bride’s and groom’s families, as it is much more convenient to do everything together. It can be held at any location, but it is typically conducted immediately after the marriage registration or when the couple arrives at the groom’s house.
What do we use to brew the tea?
Traditionally, ingredients such as dried longans, red dates, lotus seeds, and peanuts are added to the tea. For our wedding, we didn’t have access to these ingredients, so we simply used regular tea.
As for the tea set, it is traditionally a gift from the bride’s family to the newlyweds and may become a family heirloom. However, it is less common nowadays to keep it for future generations.
My mother had kept her wedding tea set, which featured phoenix and dragon designs with gold trimmings. Unfortunately, I placed it on the hard floor while we were moving house and accidentally broke it into pieces. I quietly pushed it into a corner and pretended I knew nothing about it when my mum asked! She was very upset, as she had hoped to pass it down to us. I like to think it was just a regular tea set and not an antique—fingers crossed!
What is the order of service?
The usual order is: parents, grandparents, granduncles and grandaunties, uncles and aunties, elder siblings, and elder cousins. The groom’s family is always served first (starting with the paternal side, followed by the maternal side), before moving on to the bride’s family.
Younger siblings typically help to serve the tea to the bride and groom.
What is the formation?
The bride stands on the groom’s right—personally, I like to think it’s because women are always right! Male elders usually sit facing the bride, while female elders sit facing the groom.
In the past, couples would kneel while serving tea, but nowadays, a bow is usually sufficient. In one photo, my 4th aunt and uncle are kneeling in front of their parents, while in another, my 6th uncle and aunt are bowing instead—times have certainly changed.
There is also a photo where my sister and brother-in-law served tea only to my grandmother. In some other ceremonies, tea may be served in honour of deceased spouses, but this does not apply to wedding tea ceremonies.
Gifts for the tea ceremony
After drinking the tea, elders typically present gifts in the form of red packets or jewellery, placing them on the serving tray. If you read my previous post on Chinese wedding gifts, you’ll recall more details about red packets and jewellery. There’s a photo of us serving tea to my parents as well.
The bride and groom usually give red packets to the younger siblings or children who help serve the tea. Interestingly, when Mr C and I served tea to my sister and brother-in-law, they gave us a red packet instead!
There is also a photo of my uncle and aunt serving tea to his fourth elder sister and her husband (the bride and groom).
After the ceremony, the couple will also present a red packet to the tea helper, who assists by holding the tray with the teapot and cups.
Once again, I would like to thank my uncle for sharing his precious photos with us.
Really interesting! It’s the first I’ve heard of such a ceremony. Nice photos too!
I love this post, I wish you had written this in 2010 when I got married. I’m Chinese my husband isn’t, but we decided to do a tea ceremony for tradition. My husband didn’t really understand, but he went with it!
Wow! a very interesting post. never knew about the tea ceremony. It made me realise how little we know about different cultures and traditions.
Great photos. I love reading about different traditions. You look very happy on your wedding day
I’d not heard of this before, really interesting! great photos x
Oh wow what a fabulous post. It’s such a wonderful tradition too, I wish we had something like this. I love the photos too, always find old photos intriguing 🙂
This sounds like a beautiful idea and something I never knew before. Thank you for sharing.
What a lovely tradition, something that brings families together is missing in our culture
This is a very interesting post, I had never heard of the tea ceremony before so it’s always nice to learn new things x
I’d not heard of the tea ceremony before so this was lovely to read about. Thanks for sharing.
This is fascinating! Thank you so much for sharing the photos too x
This is really interesting to learn about and it’s lovely to see you family photos.
Thanks for sharing this with us, it is so great to read about other traditions x
Thank you so much for sharing this special tradition with us. I absolutely love the photos and have learnt something new today.
I am really enjoying this series. Wow I would love to take part in a Tea Ceremony
This is really lovely, a great way to honour and show respect for the older members of the family.
What a lovely ceremony! I have my own mini tea ceremony every night with jasmine tea in my lovely tea pot I brought back from Beijing. I love tea and it’s such a sociable drink, pouring cups for each other and taking it in turns to fill up the pot. I’ve never heard of a wedding tea ceremony though but it looks so lovely and is great to learn about, thank you!
That’s so sweet and nice. It’s such a simple thing, but it is very reverent 🙂
Oh, lovely tradition that shows care and respect for the elders and the family!
This looks like a lovely respectful tradition and one that I think we can all relate to for a wedding is a time for all generations to be together. Looking at the photos is lovely too 🙂
Great post! I am really enjoying reading about your Chinese culture. This sounds like a really nice ceremony and I love all of the photos.