Once a month, I meet up with a group of Chinese friends from different backgrounds — the PRC, Taiwan, Malaysia and, of course, Singapore.
One habit that always catches my attention is when someone sticks their chopsticks vertically into a bowl of rice or food. For me, that is a huge no-no. Let me tell you why.
Growing up, my mum and many elderly relatives always warned me never to do this because it resembles joss sticks used during funeral offerings for the deceased. In Chinese culture, rice with upright chopsticks symbolises food offered to spirits or ancestors. Eating from that bowl is believed to bring bad luck. (If you are interested in supernatural folklore, listen to Mr Zhou’s Ghost Stories podcast from 13 August 2021 — Rule No. 14.)
This belief is not limited to Singapore. Similar taboos can also be found in places such as China, Japan and South Korea. So, wherever you are dining, it is best to avoid sticking chopsticks vertically into your food or rice bowl.
Now, let me share some other Chinese table manners that are still widely observed today.
SEATING ARRANGMENT
Rectangular Table
At a rectangular table, the head of the household traditionally sits at the end of the table, much like sitting on a throne. This seat is usually reserved for the grandfather or the eldest male elder in the family. If the grandfather is no longer around, the next senior family member takes the position.
In older generations, grandmothers often gave the “head seat” to their eldest son rather than taking it themselves, reflecting the traditional preference for male authority in many Chinese households.
If you are a guest, never seat yourself at the head of the table unless invited to do so.
Round Table
At a round table, the head of the household usually sits in the most respected position — often facing the entrance or seated against a wall. This prevents waiters or waitresses from constantly passing dishes over the elder’s shoulder, which is considered disrespectful.
As a parent myself, whenever I dine out with my mum and children, I usually choose the seat nearest the serving path. It shows respect to my mum while also protecting my children from accidentally being burned by hot dishes. It also makes it easier for me to handle the bill at the end of the meal.
In some traditional households, nobody sits until the elders are seated first. If you are already seated when an elder arrives, proper etiquette is to stand up, wait for them to sit down, and only then sit back down yourself.
Bowl & Chopsticks Etiquette
You should lift your rice bowl when eating instead of leaving it on the table and leaning over it. Traditionally, eating directly from a bowl placed on the table was considered animal-like behaviour, as cats and dogs eat from the floor. Holding the bowl closer also makes eating easier and more comfortable.
Traditionally, the left hand holds the rice bowl while the right hand uses the chopsticks. Chinese elders often say:
左手龙盘手，右手凤点头，龙凤呈祥。
This roughly translates to: “The left hand cradles the dragon, while the right hand controls the nodding phoenix.”
The dragon and phoenix symbolise harmony, prosperity and balance — similar to the concept of yin and yang.
Other important chopstick rules include:
- Never use your chopsticks to drum against bowls or plates. In the old days, beggars would knock bowls with sticks to attract attention while asking for money. Besides being considered unlucky, it is also very irritating to everyone around you.
- Never poke food using only one chopstick. Chopsticks should always be used as a pair.
- Do not suck or chew on your chopsticks.
- And, of course, never stick chopsticks upright into food or rice when not using them.
Food Etiquette
When the dishes arrive, do not immediately start eating unless the elder or host invites everyone to begin. Traditionally, they should be the first to pick up their chopsticks.
Take food closest to you instead of reaching across the table or digging through dishes for your favourite item. If the table has a lazy Susan, wait until everyone has taken their share before rotating it.
If serving utensils are not provided, politely ask for them. Avoid using your personal chopsticks to split or tear apart communal food. Use a spoon or fork instead.
In many Chinese households, knives are rarely placed on the dining table because sharp objects symbolise aggression, conflict and bad luck.
Another interesting belief is that dishes should preferably be served in even numbers, as even numbers are associated with harmony and good fortune. There is also an old saying:
菜不摆三
This means “do not serve only three dishes”, as the number three can be associated with funeral offerings in some traditions.
Behaviour at the Table
Just like in many cultures, loud chewing, slurping and talking with your mouth full are considered rude.
However, there is one famous exception: in Japan, slurping noodles such as udon or ramen is often seen as a compliment to the chef because it shows you are enjoying the meal.
Other basic table etiquette includes:
- Do not leave the table while carrying your rice bowl around.
- Do not split bones, shells or unwanted food scraps directly onto the table. Place them neatly on a side plate instead.
- Avoid using your phone or watching television during the meal. Chinese dining is traditionally seen as family bonding time — a moment for conversation and connection.
Tea & Drinks Etiquette
Traditionally, the youngest person at the table should offer to pour tea or drinks for everyone else before serving themselves.
When someone pours tea for you, you can lightly tap the table with your index and middle finger as a silent gesture of thanks. This custom is especially common in Cantonese culture and is said to have originated during the Qing dynasty.
Once the teapot is empty, simply flip the lid slightly open or upside down to signal to the waiter or waitress that you would like a refill.
Chinese table manners are deeply rooted in respect, harmony and family values. While modern families may not follow every tradition strictly anymore, many of these customs are still practised today — especially during festivals, reunion dinners and gatherings with elders.
I hope you found this interesting! If you know of any other Chinese dining traditions or superstitions, feel free to share them too.