Once a month, I go out with a group of Chinese friends who come from different countries. We are Chinese people from the PRC, Taiwan, Malaysia and Singapore of course.
One of their habits that annoys me the most is that they place/poke their chopsticks vertically into their food or rice bowl. For me, it is a No-No. Let me tell you why! My mum and most elderly folks would say if you do that, it means the rice is an offering to the ghosts. The chopsticks are positioned like joss sticks used for a funeral. (Please listen to Mr Zhou’s Ghost Stories podcast 13th August 2021, number 14 rule) If you eat the rice, it will bring you bad luck. Besides Singapore, places like China, Japan and Korea also believe this. Therefore, it is best to avoid placing chopsticks vertically into the food or rice. Now let me tell you more about other Chinese table manners you should observe.
Seating Arrangement
For a rectangular table: The head of the household should always sit at the end of the table as the position is like a throne. This position is normally for the grandfather (man), or unless your grandfather is no longer around, then the next elderly should sit there. A grandmother (mum of the son) would let her first son or the eldest son sit on the head seat, rather than herself. They always favour men over women in the older generation. If you are a guest, you should not sit yourself at the end of the table.
For a round table: The head of the household should sit in a position that would not be disturbed by the waiter/waitress. Either behind a wall or facing the entrance door. As they are the elderly of the household, waiters/waitresses passing food over their shoulders is disrespectful.
As a parent myself, if I am going out with my mum and children, I would be the one sitting near the gap where the waiter/waitress passes the food. To respect my mum and to protect my children from getting hurt by the hot dishes. Plus, it makes it easier to pay the bill at the end of the meal.
In some households, only once the elderly sits can everyone else sit at the table. If you happened to have sat down, when they come over, you should stand up and wait for them to sit down, before sitting back down in your chair.
Bowl & Chopsticks
You should pick up your rice bowl to eat and not eat from the bowl on the table as this is typical of animals. For example, dogs and cats eat food from the floor. Also, it is a better position for digesting your food.
You should use your left hand to hold your rice bowl (usually a small bowl) and use your right hand to hold your chopsticks. Chinese would said, 左手龙盘手, 右手风点头, 龙凤呈祥. The left hand holds the dragon in hand and the right hand holds the phoenix that nods. The dragon and the phoenix are symbolic of blissful relations or another common yang and yin metaphor.
You should never use your chopsticks to drum / make music (like hitting the bowl) as only beggars do that. In the olden days, beggars would use a stick and bowl to get everyone’s attention for money. I have seen people allowing their children to do it and it is so wrong and also very irritating.
Do not use just one chopstick to poke the food. Always use the chopsticks as a pair to pick up the food.
Do not place the chopsticks into your mouth and suck with it.
As I mentioned earlier, do not stick your chopsticks vertically into your food when not using them.
Food
When the food arrives, if the elderly didn’t say “Let’s eat”, then no one should pick up their chopsticks to eat. They should be the ones to begin.
Pick the food that is closer to you and do not use your chopsticks to poke around the food and grab your favourite food. If the food is on a lazy Susan, wait for everyone to finish grabbing the food before turning the lazy Susan.
Always ask for common utensils to use if they didn’t provide you with them. Try not to use your chopsticks to split/break up the food. Use a fork or spoon instead. A knife is considered bad luck/violent (the sharp end is considered bad) hence not many would offer you a knife to split/cut your food.
Always order/cook dishes in even numbers. Chinese people like even numbers. Also, avoid dining on just three dishes (菜不摆三).
Behaviour
Just like many table manners in other cultures, no slurping or making lots of noise while eating. It is considered rude. Also, don’t talk with your mouth full. This is a common mistake for many people. Only in Japan, you are allowed to slurp your Udon to show the chef that your meal is delicious.
Do not split your food on the table. Place it on the side plate.
Do not leave the table with your rice bowl. Sit down and finish your meal.
Don’t use your phone or watch TV. Concentrate on eating your meal and making conversation with everyone.
Drink
The youngest person should always offer to pour everyone a drink/tea. When someone pours tea into your cup, you can tap the table with your first two fingers to show thanks. Once the teapot runs out of tea, you should lift up the lid and flip it over. This is to tell the waiter/waitress you need a refill.
I hope you will find this interesting! If you have any other questions, fire away!